I started this blog post about 7 days ago but never get to finish it. I guess my statement that I made awhile ago stay true, I’d like to write when I’m distressed but for when I’m happy, I get lazy as if I’m fine and there’s nothing to write about. Writing about distress doesn’t help me today, so I will write about happy thoughts.

Why is my birthday important to me?

This is the first thought came to my mind this morning while walking to the morning practice. Some might say that birthday is just another day, why even celebrate it?

On the contrary, for me, personally it’s the celebration of life. Of my life in particularly. See how I grow over the year makes me happy. I always like the version of myself this year than last year. There was only one year when Dad just passed away, 4 months after, that I didn’t really pay attention or really like it. I kept wishing for the clock to turn back, and I can have Dad call me again on my birthday and give me 10 million to go buy whatever I want. Well, back to happy thought. As I age over the years, I like myself better and better. I like how I can deal with myself and aware of my actions ( sometimes a bit late but still better than nothing) . I became incredibly aware of my emotional rage, each actions comes with a decision, not just to blindly follow it.

This year marked the journey of 3 years since I took the path of exploring about myself, my emotions, how my past has influenced my current life. I read many books in the field of social science. I realize that because of my struggle past within the family. I wasn’t taught what does love mean. How to be happy and content with myself. Before this “awakening stage” , I imagine I’m a crazy dog, who goes around and bite people. I don’t know how to deal with my emotions, I kept fighting with myself and with people around me. I still do, but at least I’m aware of it. 3 years vs 28 years is a long time to compare. I still have lots to learn. And in all I love it. I love how I have changed over the year. I love every time I fail from “over practicing” the thing I read, then I do better the next day.

Then the more I dive into the study of self improvement. I realize I lack of one important aspect. My sound body, as I age, my body age more than me. Without a sound body, there will be no sound mind.

I kept thinking, how did I cope with the stress during my entire childhood studying so hard and so much. ( Yes ! I took study really seriously, mostly to stay away from my Mom, I use this excuse to get out of house and I do it to the max level) . It was because of my 3 times a week, learning Taekwondo. It’s one of the best sports that I like. I guess it took out the aggression inside me. 3 times a week, I fight with friend, I kick so hard, I aim for the head, always. Doing this Muay Thai in here, it all coming back to me, I love it so much. The aggression of it during the practice, release all of my aggression in normal life. I’m always a fighter, an attacker rather than a defense person.

I learned a number of martial arts during the year, Aikido, Judo, Taekwondo, Kendo, Karatedo. I yawned so much during the class in Aikido and Judo, the sports that doesn’t make any sound. I lasted Aikido for 2 good years, I can still fall on my head, but it’s something I cannot continue. Judo, not so much.

I have tried changing my life all around, exercise everyday. Eat clean Vegan food, yet, somehow my sleep hasn’t really come back to me. It’s been over a month and I still struggle every night. My sleep score is at the bare minimum for some reason. I guess my problems run deeper than this, or perhaps just need a lot more time.

I feel better though, have much more strength. I kick ass in class. My mind became sharper. I can write a blog post much faster. I have much more air blowing into my flute. I can last 8 to 10 beats now compare to 4 or 6 like before. I can run 3 minutes non-stop with the interval of 10 times 3 minutes stop 1 minutes.

I guess the statement is true: ” Sound body ! Sound mind”

PS: Writing about happy Thoughts really does lift my spirit up 🙂 . I will try to write once a day then. Some random happy thought. The world turn dark, but I want to stay light and happy as I always do.