It’s very hot today, she feels like she’s in and out consciousness trying to soothe herself into sleep. It seems like the heat wave actually helps her to sleep, like making her feel sleepy.

The post this morning kept her thinking, a lot. Her insights on planning and blessing speak of how our perception of life tends to gravitate towards a binary, i.e., “my life is in my hands, hence I should plan my future” on one end and “nothing is under my control, so what’s the point of planning” on the other end. As she grew, she has finally seen it neither. It’s rather a spectrum that lies in between the two binaries. “Planning is important, but the result does not necessary be the same as planned”

Her courage to take risk which is quite visible to others seems to point toward her comfort with uncertainty when it comes to her career. She was trained this way, learned from her incredibly wise father. However, in term of personal relationship, her fears and the need to control the outcomes point towards the opposite direction – the battle with certainty. In a way, her choice of staying back a few more nights is because she’s certain that her fears connected to her mother’s house will come true.

It seems like she saw business and personal relationship as 2 distinctive spectrums. She’s very brave when it comes to “her own thing”. If thing goes wrong, she know in her heart that she will never hurt herself. When it comes to personal relationship of any kind, that means it’s involving another person, she will be so afraid of the outcome because she’s afraid that the other party will hurt her if she does something wrong. In other words, she think she’s only able to feel safe with only herself.

Today though, she realizes something else, that is it’s not possible to be invulnerable to other people. The risk of getting hurt exist no matter how brilliant a relationship is. Similar to career choice, despite the risk of failing, she felt safe because she knows she can find a way. There’s no absolute failure in business. Similarly, safety is also never absolute. If being safe relates to being comfortable, she does encroach it all the time by taking risks in her career.

It seems like she’s able to take risk in career because she doesn’t see safety as the outcome, but a process that ultimately leads to growth. However, when it comes to relationships, she appears to hold being safe as the outcome. Hence, this makes her risk averse.

If she’s able to adapt her way of thinking in business to relationship, she can able to confront the risk better. In other words, making growth as the outcome rather than safety.

Lots to think about, but it’s a start