It’s been 4 days since I haven’t written anything in this blog. It felt like my mind is exploding anytime soon, if I’m not cleaning it up. I became kind of addicted to writing, it helps me sleep better if you know what I mean. Like I’m clearing thoughts out of my mind.
Right at this moment, I felt like I don’t know where to begin. Let see, I went back to Hoi An to sell another piece of land. Part of it is because I need the immediate cash to spend for the store, part of it is because I felt like I want to take the money for better use. There’s a certain routine in Hoi An that I needed to do these day:
– Picking up Thor from chi Tien’s place
– Showering Thor with lots of hugs
– Putting him into Landon’s school with the kids
– Doing my things and left Thor back and chi Tien’s house
and Breathe, breathe like my lungs has never felt the taste of fresh air before. Breathe like my lung has expanded double in its side.
I guess the city is always too much for me. Too noisy, too polluted, too little people interaction, too much strangeness, and so little love. Speaking of love, the other day, I was introduce Thor to someone. I told him Thor is the person who taught me what real love is. I was surprised how I unconsciously prefer to Thor as “a person”. Truth is, I think I never consider Thor as “a dog”. I know he’s such a gentle soul. A very fragile, gentle and loving soul.
It was Thor who taught me that true love has no boundary. There’s no animal nor human, just 2 living soul relies on each other. I was because of him that I know for sure, deep down from the bottom of my heart is any children and be my children. If I can love Thor, I can love literally anyone.
In the recent week, I’ve seen 2 contrast stories: a man who’s betrayed my his wife but take the other child as his own. In a way, that’s noble, in another way, it’s normal too. I’d do the same, what’s the difference if the child might not look like me? I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Then another story that a couples went through divorce after 20 years of living together, the father decided to “make up” the story that the latter kid is not his own so that he can avoid “child support”. I’ve been trying really hard to see one good point of this, I’ve tried understanding from his point of view but I just can’t. How come a father who’s been living with his child for 14 years saying that this daughter is not mine, and I’m not going to pay for that. I can’t even begin to understand let alone empathize for him. I was wondering if he ever thought about his daughter? What she’d think when she heard that his father has said?
It broke my heart every time I have to say good bye to Thor, and recently Ti – chi Tien’s daughter. I want to be able to see them grow everyday. I want to take care to both of them. Thor is in quite bad shape recently, and I want so badly to take care of him as if I want to move back to Hoi An just to be with him. I felt like I failed him this morning when he’s lying there looking out with his extremely sad face. I suddenly have this fear, what if the next time I came back he won’t be there. What if he’s going to leave the Earth soon.
He’s been quite unhealthy since I left, his skin disease is worse. He’s constantly itching, I don’t know what I can do to help 🙁 .
I asked chi Tien if I can have Thor here in Saigon, just to treat his skin disease. I promise that I will bring him back as soon as I fix him. I want to help him in good shape, healthy and lean. Though, honestly, I’m not so sure how I’m going to do that but I will.
Love has no limits and boundaries.
