The music is not in the notes, but in the spaces between them

Thursday 22:00

I haven’t been writing much on this blog, one of the reason is because I got distracted with many many thing. Other reason is because I haven’t been feeling well, and one more is because my mind is fully occupied with the ice cream store.

A few thing happened this week, Thor has arrived, I have one more task to do at work. He’s quite sick and I’m fixing him from the ground starting from his skins, his diet, his weight then his illness. Poor thing 🙁 , such a gentle soul in such a harsh world. I can’t bring him back to our building because they don’t allow animal/ pets in the apartment. One more reason to not live in apartment building.

I started feeling quite weak in general, like I kept on coughing. And I felt a constant sore throat that’s on and off in my throat. I felt overall, not well I’d say.

Friday 22:00

Something has been stuck on my mind that I felt like I can’t write and finish this blog post. It’s weird and strange and all of the thing you can imagine. I want to try something new today, that I will write as fast as I can without editing anything. This will help the flow of unconscious becomes smoother.

I joined a meditation class yesterday, it’s called positive thinking. I couldn’t focus at all during the class, my mind and my body has been switching from many many position. Then I settled with thinking about ice cream, I almost cannot hear what’s my teacher said.

I did a hypno session the other day, in which I was asked to be in touch with my inner child. I saw a very very special thing, I saw a little boy sitting in the corner with his arms folded and head bending down. He/she is very sad, and very tủi thân. I wanted to fix and to feel compassion for my mother but somehow it doesn’t work that way. When I connected with my inner child, I have the image of my mother and my sister on one side. I lay alone in one side, so the therapist ask me to lie next to the little me and hold her.

Interesting enough, Camel appears in my unconscious. As I was holding my inner child, he was holding myself. At that precise moment, I think I wanted to trade the world for that kind of warm hug.

I read somewhere that in order to know if someone is a match is when they lay down next to each other. The way the body react to each other is when you know if this is the right one. I feel extremely comfortable when we are sharing the same bed. It is when we were in the same bed, I knew that I wanted to be with this person for a long time, perhaps sometimes till the end of my days.

I just thought about this the other day when I was driving, I don’t hold on to a relationship this long ever. I have a routine, I have experience in the department of breaking up and healing my heart. I’d start on looking inward, I’d go dating, after about a month, I will be on the journey of finding the next one. This time around, this person stays on my mind for a very very very long time. It’s been what, 6 months? And in my most sacred moment, when I was in touch with my inner child, I was craving for his hug. Isn’t that the weirdest thing? I don’t know why and how and what’s going to happen, but this is the first time I experience this kind of connection?

I truly, honestly wanted to move on, I want to love and be loved. But I can’t control my heart, can I? My heart said that it decides to stay with this person, no matter how hard I try. I know, I know, I know, but what can I do?

Beside my quite sad 😔 love life, I have been in the flow of making ice cream, or creating ice cream. So many components, so many aspects of the business that I’m trying to do and maintain. Not in the wildest dream that I can imagine the success of our store, the speed of expansion. I feel like sometimes I have to pause to catch a good breath. It is when I’m in Hoi An that’s when I can breath. Truly breathe in the air and breathe out the thoughts.

I named this post “A Rest” because I felt like right now, at this precise period of time is A Rest, the silence, the change of something new. I want to transform and I want to become a better person in all aspect.