I have been meaning to start writing again on this blog post but it seems like something get stuck in my head ( or my fingers) that I couldn’t find the courage to start writing again.

Recently, I’ve been lost in time. I mean, it was as if there’s no boundary between day and night, there’s no Sunday or Monday, and of course, there’s no Christmas or New Year. I became so so close that a friend ask me to go out today and I just simply can’t find the reason or courage to do so. Looking back in time, Christmas used to be my magical time.

It’s the time I am always feel a whole lot of love, really a lot. I created a product that people can give to each other as gift, to share love. Looking at all of the messages, it was always about love. And yet, I’m going back and forth from home to work like a never end process. I’m sinking deep into my work and then more.

My health deteriorate slowly, though I’m trying really hard to fix it. I practiced Yoga every morning, I mean hard core yoga, the kind that I sweat all over it slipped. I drank Ginseng everyday, but somehow I feel my heart is slowly getting tired. I don’t know and I’m not sure why.

I enjoyed working, I enjoyed creating products, but something is missing.

I decided that to make myself happy today, I bought me a present. Something so out in this world that I normally would never dare or dream to buy. I bought myself a speaker, the kind that is super high end and the quality speaks for itself. And yet, here I am writing aimlessly on this post. Not sure what I want to say or express. Not understanding what’s good and bad in this world. And maybe, not sure why I am alive, living, eating and working like there’s no tomorrow.

Can someone brings me out of earth, I don’t know, somewhere. I want to vanish, I want to just – not exist. Yeah, I think that’s the correct way, I want to not exist. I want to just turn into air.