I just woke up from a very long long sleep. I was so tired it’s crazy.
Yesterday, I’m reaching a new high, like a new level of tiredness. I went back home, barely remember what happened in between, but I knew that I dropped off the bag and went straight to bed ( WITHOUT TAKING MY JACKET off). I am usually lazy, you probably know me by now, but I always taking the jacket off because it was uncomfortable. Last night, I went to bed full on =)) , with my jacket on. I was thinking to myself if I wear shoes, it’s probably still on as well.
I passed out knowing that I was passing out. I was working quite hard yesterday, but went home early at 8 PM, was too tired to hang around there. I believe that there’s a certain chunk of dark energy in that place, it’s draining the life out of me.
My sous chef went to the place, asking to quit and checking money. She was complaining and complaining non-stop. The whole time, I was keeping on thinking I need to not talk about her fault since she’s quitting anyway. I don’t need to raise anything up. This can end in peace where she can keep her head up and quit the job. And she can say that she quits us, not us wants to fire her. This is the result I want, and I should keep my mouth and my thoughts to myself. And I did 😀 . Totally did, we gave her 10 million and she signed the non-compete, confidential paper. We are still in a bit of trouble in the department of cash, but this is necessary.
I realize that recently I talked quite a bit about work, it seems like my mind is completely occupy by work that I don’t have any space for anything anymore. I don’t have time to contemplate and reflect on my thinking, and I think that’s why I feel like time hasn’t passed.
Personal development is so important to me. I’d like to see myself as a perpetual learner, and because of this work, and the amount of workload, I don’t have time to learn new things and it makes life tired I guess.
Oh, have I told you that I found out the reason why I can speak English so fluently, and my Vietnamese is so bad. It was because Vietnamese is my mother’s language. Under my mother’s regime in the past 30 years, I was constantly invaded by my mother. Even my feelings is being cruelly invaded as my mother is a professional emotional attacker. The only thing that I can keep to myself is my thoughts and my knowledge.
And that’s where I can only feel peace and freedom. So ever since I started learning English ( 6 year old ) and till I’m a bit fluent around 10 years old, I started thinking in English, and even my journal was writing in English because I have fear that my mother can read it. So under my mother’s regime, I created my safe bubble. I watched movie in English so that my mother cannot complain to me, I never turn the subtitle on because she will sit down and watch with me. I listened to English music, I talked to my friend in English sometimes. It became such a habit that I remember everyday I rode my bicycle back to my mother’s house, thinking to myself in English. The ride between school and house was the most relaxing time because I can think and express whatever I want. As soon as I reached the gate of my mother’s, I needed to shut down and close off, you know like those gladiator with the armors on.
It became my lifestyle, I still watch movie in English, listen to English songs, writing in English, expressing myself in English. It is my lifestyle, I don’t know how else. It is me. I’ve not learned or practice the other way.
Not fluent in Vietnamese is a flaw, I have lots of difficulties sometimes in communication with people. Camel told me that if I was to attend Vietnamese University, I need to learn Vietnamese properly again otherwise, it will be real hard. It makes a lot of sense. Where to begin? How to improve my Vietnamese? While there are so many many things in this world that I want to learn and absorb all the knowledge.
I can start writing in Vietnamese, it will slowly improve my language. But this is my space, this blog is my space and in my space I want to be as comfortable as I can.
I named this blog Dark Energy but I wrote about something else.
A quick thing is there’s a very dark source of energy that’s drained the life out of me in the new office. I still don’t know how to fix it but it’s really really tiring. I tested with sage and it showed clearly where’s the source is. I feel like it’s a dark hold that sucks everything.
You know, I’m still in bed 🙂 , it’s 15:46 PM and I still can’t get out of bed. I’m too tired to even went and take water.
