This is going to be a very quick note, I’m giving myself 20 minutes to compose this blog and then I have to really go to work.

Yesterday I crashed at about 3 PM, and was really tired. This is the same feelings that I have when I was working in Ha Noi for 3 days. It felt like there’s a certain dark energy that drains the life out of me. I usually attract dark energy like this, I know that I have a certain uplifting vibe that catches attention.

I went to my teacher’s place and he helped me to cleanse, but it doesn’t really work. I had dirreahea this morning too. I’m bringing with me all sort of protection today to clean the place. Let’s hope that I can do it.

I’d like to talk a little bit about my past week. This past week I feel like I haven’t slept. For some reason I feel like I have always been working, even when I’m sleeping. Like today when I woke up, it felt like I haven’t gone to sleep. I’m running my brain 24/7 like a proper machine. You know, I’d like to go home, sit in my comfy chair with my bean bag and relax for couple hours even it’s late like 12 AM I still do that. But last week, I didn’t feel like I can relax, I jump straight to bed and then pass the fuck out of my mind ( I want to use this language to express how passed out I am) .

You know the kind of like I went straight to bed, took off my clothes while laying down in my bed and put on my pajamas. If it’s not because I need to be warm, I wouldn’t even put on pajamas, but these days I feel so cold without long pajamas.

Bliss is shifting to a new paradigm, both in term of scale and in term of human resource. I think it’s why this turmoil is effecting me real hard. I feel that we are like a phoenix and we are tearing off the shells in order to rise to the sky.

My teacher said that I’m using a lot of my energy into solving the emotional side, the heart rather than the logical mind. I think it’s totally right.

My logical mind is a very well efficient machine, I can see everything clear and loud. I can reason with Phuong in Canada why she shouldn’t take this job even when I’m so tired at 11:53 last night.

But my emotional mind is a very inefficient, for one problem it’s going back and forth again and again. Like yesterday my sous chef was asking to quit, even though that’s my plan, it’s still draining my mind. I’m still having such a difficult time processing it.

She called me I didn’t pick up, she texted me I’m so afraid to read. I asked my friend to read it for me because I was so afraid.

I’m not afraid of her, I’m not afraid that she’s going to quit. I think what I was afraid of was my inability to deal with difficult situation. Difficult emotional situation to be exact.

If it’s a difficult situation for work wise such as the decision to went testing I made it in peace. With this I twist and turn, I told her to come meet at 11:00 AM but I already feel so tired and want to avoid this emotional confrontation.

Today, I feel dead inside me. Really dead.