My mind is a mess!

Without writing in this blog everyday, it’s becoming so messy. All the thoughts are entangled with each other that I can think clear or straight anymore. I’m confused between real life and dream. Yesterday, I was dreaming about making stuff and ordering stuff for ice cream. I only realized that I haven’t done that task, I did it in my dream without the actual physical work.

See I told you, my mind is a mess. It’s so messy that I don’t know what to say, or write anymore. I don’t have any space for contemplating.

I’m totally consumed very very deep inside the work, that my mind suddenly doesn’t wander around anymore. It’s not a good thing, I don’t like this.

I went to work everyday at 9 ( I’m late today because of rain), and went back home a 10 ish 11, by then, I’m totally exhausted that I don’t have any energy or life left in me to write to clear the thoughts in my head. I have to, I must, otherwise my mind is going crazy.

Let see, I have been contemplating about the crisis overnight that I went through. I realized that my priority of thought still come down to Camel ( ?!?), the so-called family ( aka as my mother and my sister) hasn’t even appeared in my thoughts.

The existential crisis thought started appear in my head again. Do I still have any reason to exist?

Or I just becomes to tired, to overwork, to overwhelm that I found no joy ? I do found joy everyday at work, but I guess I need other joy?

The rain has stopped and I need to be at work to play the orchestra. You know, my Bliss is a very huge big orchestra, and I’m the conductor making sure everything works. It’s a lot of pressure and a lot of work. I’m doing it well, actually I’m doing it more than well.

I’m a perfectionist so everyday, I’m continuing to make everything better. Bliss is transformed every single day, we change everyday and it’s making working so hard. We have x3 in 6 months in term of space, and we will need more space in the near future.

I’m planning to switch between 2 places to re organize my kitchen.

Why am I doing all this?