I have so much to write today that I feel like it will take me the entire night to pour out what’s on my head. A range of different topics is running around my head, and I don’t know which to start. I decided that I will start with the most timely topic.
I’m moving
I signed the contract of a new apartment this morning. And I’m starting to move my stuff there tomorrow, I can start sleeping there tomorrow if I want to. There’s an overlap between the one I’m staying at and the new home. I only have to return this home on the 25th, but I start receiving the home tmr :).
Home!
The term that people use to describe their shelter. It’s more than that isn’t it, home is where you feel safe, secured and happy. Home is the place where you feel this yearn, this longing for the comfort when you are away from it. Home is the place where all sadness can be cured. Home is the place where you can rest your head once the world is tumbling, the rest can wait for tomorrow. Home is the place where you put a smile on your face when you stepped back. Home is the place where you can pour love onto yourself.
And I was lucky enough to call this 25.08 apartment home for the last year. I came here with 1 luggage, and 1 carry on and a bruised heart. I left here with a lot more stuff and an open heart. It’s been an amazing journey, I couldn’t believe that I stayed here for exactly 1 year until I finished my contract.
You see, I haven’t had a home in my entire life. I had lived in someone’s home for 30 years, someone who doesn’t like me, and doesn’t want me in there. I was never welcomed, and it was very scary. I frightened every single time I stepped into that house, every single day. I’d like to be invisible in that house, so I left early, and came back very late so that nobody will notice me.
So when I first arrived in apartment 25.08, I can recalled that moment very vividly. I sat down in the sofa, enjoyed the silence. Then I laid down on this very same bed in which I’m writing from right now and told myself: ” This is it, I can’t see how on earth I’m gonna go back to that scary house and sleep another night. I’m finally safe, and welcome here.”
I’ve moved from places to places for the past 3 years. Nowhere that I stayed more than 6 months, it’s tiring and exhausted. The main reason I moved different places because I don’t have a place to come back. The last place I stayed was in Chiang Mai, and it was because I’m afraid to go back to the haunted scary house in Le Dai Hanh. It was so scary, that I broke my relationship also because I can’t bare the thought of staying, living, getting stuck, and being tortured in that house. I’d rather getting stranded in a strange land with nobody next to me, no help, no paper and I’m okay with the situation.
For the first time in my life, I found home in this house. A stable home, you know, somewhere I stayed for a year. I can buy stuff to put in a place without the thought of how to get rid of when I no longer live here. I found peace, quietness, and compassion.
When I signed the contract of this house, I never thought I would stay more than 6 months. I thought that this is a temporary home, I thought that I will soon leave this place like I did with many other places. And the house was more than generous to let me in, and eventually became my home. I came here alone, and I left with 2 adorable dogs.
Thank you so much apt 25.08, you have sheltered me when I’m lost and scared. Thank you for welcoming me, and most of all tolerating me. In the past three-hundred-sixty-five days, I have always always looking forward to go back home. That’s a record time to me.
I have chosen you out of a whim, a quick search on the internet, the first look and I found you. I didn’t think much, at that time I thought I need a place to sleep nicely, that’s all. And all good things must come to an end.
I saw boxes lining up in the living room. I’m ready to leave to move to the next phase of my life. It is for the first time, I choose an apartment carefully. I knew exactly what I need, and I planned to stay long. I’m more grounded and more happy than I ever was.
So happy that I watched a romantic movie earlier named “Guernsey” on Netflix, and I thought to myself to ask Camel the question: ” Would you like to live with me? ” I don’t know why that thought came to me or I know exactly why. I had a very interesting dream this morning.
Yesterday night, I was led to see the emerging future by my teacher Otto. I went straight to sleep that moment, and I had the most vivid dream ever.
I was a rebellious girl in a castle. I was searched and wanted in the castle. The Butler went all over the place to look for me. I was hiding in the basement. I knew that I can’t get out. There’s no way that I can get out and not get caught.
Camel appeared, he was tall and slender. I knew he’s on my side, I can trust him with all my heart. He agreed with me that I cannot get out of this place alone, and he’s going to help me. It seems like he’s a very respected person in this Castle, so if he has a guest, everyone must follow what he said. So he pretended that I’m an invited guest from a different country. I could not speak the language so nobody dare to talk to me. He pretend that we were on a tour of the castle.
We successfully left the house, without anyone knowing that we left the house. We boarded a plane, but it’s a special plane, it’s like a big cruise ship in which everyone will have their corner with a huge touch screen about 21 inch, and lots of things to play. We had our seats. I was looking around and tell him: ” What a waste of energy, phải không anh? “He said no, it’s okay like that.
Then I went to the toilet and I saw my ex-mother sitting in another row. I quickly went back to our seats with rush of adrenaline, it’s more like fun, rather than fear. I was telling him :”Trời ơi, em xém bị phát hiện” . But I know she can never ever find me, or if she found me, I have hime. I am safe, I am out of the castle so she doesn’t have any power over me.
I’d like to describe the plane a little bit in details. It’s round, and it has lots of passenger seats in rows but it’s like each of the row is separated. So it’s like the the tight row of seat in the normal plane but rather a lot of space in between. And there’s hall way, very big hallway. It’s grand an magnificient and modern super high-tech.
The castle is old, and dark and I don’t have a lot of images in that castle. It’s more like dark, and I’m out of it for good. I was rescued, and I’m flying far far away from it.
You see, that’s why I feel like inviting and proposing to Camel. For some reason I found a deep trust and connection with him. Perhaps he and I are very much alike.
After writing this blog, I think this will be the last night I’m sleeping here. If you have any last thing to say to me, my dear home, this is your chance, please speak to me tonight.
Ciao,
M