I got seriously sick – Not the kind of sick that just go away with one night sleep- It’s the kind of sick that paralyzed me, that makes me a home bound person because if I go outside, I will immediately feel how sick I am. The full-service kind, complete with fever, sore throat, aches, and general misery
I was terribly confronted to reality that I no longer possess a healthy body. The truth is I don’t take care of myself very well. I partied, I stayed late, I traveled non-stop, I worked so hard that I’m the victim of my very own action.
The downfall of my health started with my insomnia, that’s the first sign of my declining health. I stopped partying, I stopped traveling, I stopped working. All for the sole purpose of me being able to sleep through the night.
That helps, quite a bit, then I got lazy, and fall back to my previous behavior of not taking good care of myself again.
I got pregnant, then aborted. This is definitely another downfall. I don’t like to speak about me being pregnant as a mistake, or a fault, or something stupid that I did. Personally, I think it’s an experience, the lesson that I was able to captured from this single experience is so immense that I cannot even begin to measure. It’s not exactly great to say that I’m glad that I’ve been through this, but I do at some level really appreciate this experience.
What happened after the abortion is another story. My body suffered greatly but still trying to get by everyday. I should have paid attention to it awhile ago but I didn’t. I let it be. Or to be exact, I’m not sure how to take care of it in a better way.
Today, it suffered from its first downfall. A single common cold with sorethroat and nose block has taken me by the storm. My throat is sooo inflamed that I feel like I cannot breath, I cannot even swallow my own saliva. That’s crazy. 3 full days of very strong anti-biotics is not enough to bring it down and I used to be the kind of person who never use any antibiotics.
Illness forces me to hunker down at home for a while. Restricted from the usual rhythms of life, I don’t have much to do but read or watch television.
Whenever I get sick, I become more emotionally susceptible to poignant books, movies, videos, and music. Maybe getting sick is our body’s way of taking time out from everyday life, so that we can slow down and revisit the past. Conjure old memories and feelings long dormant.
My sick days ironically made me feel better. It allowed me to reflect and focus on the important things in life, rather than all the other noise that gets in the way. I suddenly realize how I enjoy my little apartment so much, I enjoyed my free time doing nothing. Being sick, helps me realize the present and how to actually enjoy the present.
All of our dances will end someday, and wasn’t it Socrates who wrote that the unexamined life is not worth living?
