I twisted and turned last night every 2 hours, finally, brought myself to open my eyes at 8 AM. It’s a very strange feeling, I know I’m tired and I want to sleep so badly. I couldn’t open my eyes, yet, I can’t fall asleep. I woke up with a slight fever, my skin is burning. Every breath came with certain uncomfortable heat. My eyes are a bit blurred, and it’s looking like all of the muscle on my face is moving downward. My necks and shoulders are all swollen and it hurts even just to turn the head, so I’m only looking straight for now.

It’s already 11 AM and I can’t bring myself out of bed. I’m out of drinking water and I exhausted all the possible drinkable liquid at home ( soda, milk, the milk tea that was in the fridge for 1 week). The next solution would be tap water, and by choosing between going to buy water and drinking tap water, I would definitely go with the latter one.

It felt like my entire system is running out of energy. It does. I’ve been visiting my Chinese in the past 2 weeks for the total of 5 times, he’s so expensive though, 5000 baht per time. I’ve used up all the cash I have in here, so I asked to borrow from my friend. The doctor has been working on splitting all the fibrosis around my neck, shoulders and back. He said I’m particularly one of the very severe patients because I have so much fibrosis. Yesterday I went at 2:00 PM, and they let me wait 3 hours till he can work on me. His daughter said that I’m at the last queue since I have so much, they treat all other patients first so that he can spend the full hour on doing mini surgery around my neck and shoulders.

I’m not a stranger to these procedures, I have done a total of 20 times. It’s a series of mini operation. First, the doctor stimulate acupoints is the insertion of fine, sterile needles into the skin. It is then further enhanced by electrical stimulations, and heat. Following by guasha and cupping. The main part of the procedure is splitting fibrosis inside the muscles. The doctor marks the strained muscle indicating by how stiff and hard it is. He then injects me with the anesthesia medicine, then using a nail like knife that will puncture through deep into the strained muscle. This is to create a way in for the second knife. The second knife is in the shape of a hook, the purpose is to go in and cut through all the scarred tissue that partially paralyzed the muscle. I can hear when the fibrosis was cut. It felt like a very very hard plastic that was cut through, and multiples of them.

Long story short, I have gone through a series of mini surgery in the past 2 weeks and my body started to tell me that it’s beyond the limit. My body needed time to heal.

Because I wasn’t feeling good yesterday both mentally and physically, I asked the doctor to check my pulse. Turns out my spleen and ergo my stomach is barely surviving. The doctor explains that I don’t have enough strength in my body. In Chinese medicine, it’s called Qi, I’m running out of Qi. He said that the reason why I always wake up at around 3 or 4 AM in the morning is when my body ran out of energy. The lung act as the Energy minister, it distributes the energy among each organs. The organs act as an independent department, each of them wants to harvest as much as they can. Then when the energy is not enough to distribute, and there’s nothing left for the heart, it woke me up. He said that I need to drink lots of ginseng, must drink ginseng for the body to recover. Nevertheless, we did a major split yesterday.

I think his explanation makes sense to me. We need to temporarily stopped the operation for my body to heal itself first. Well, even if I want to, I can’t continue to do it anymore, my necks and shoulders are all swollen badly, there’s no more space in between.

Plus, I can’t even get out of bed today. I need to rest the whole day today so that I can visit the croissant factory tmr. It’s a long ride and I will be exhausted.