From Thor

Human is such a fascinating creature!

One minute ago, the old guy and Mai saw each other in swimsuits at the beach and that’s okay. A minute later, when they are back to town if they saw each other in swimsuits, that’s definitely a disaster

Oh human, the creature has been plagued by hipocrisy. The kind that damage all the other things that is way more important.

This is what coming to my mind this morning when Mai and I was at the beach for the early swims. Mai couldn’t sleep last night, I can see the tiredness in her eyes. She said she hasn’t been able to sleep well since Sunday, and it’s not getting any better. She’s pumping herself with all sort of ginseng, and same black ball that smells pretty weird to get through the day.

Mai and I was very busy yesterday, well, she was busy and I’m sitting on the bike chilling. She gave me a bath everyday so that she can hug me confidently. She said I was too stinky for her clothes 🙄. She kept saying : tội nghiệp thor, có 1 mình, ko ai chơi. Well, part of this is true, but I think she was saying this for herself. The statement is a mere projection of her feelings onto me.

She said that I’m such a dependent creature that needs a lot of attention. The reality is, I think, she relies on me way more that I depends on her. Without her, I can still sleep, eat and .. gain weight 😅. She’s on the other hand, couldn’t last in this house without me, especially in her fragile stage right now. She’s craving connection, and she could not find it in other human, she decided to source it from me. I, obviously, welcome her with all 4 of my paws .. and tails.

There’s a certain kind of sorrow that drags Mai heart around. There’s an Arabic saying that the soul travels at the pace of a Camel. While Mai was forced ahead of the relentless dynamic of the timetable of presence, her soul the seeds at the heart trails nostalgically behind burden by the weight of memory. If every love affairs add a certain weight to the Camel’s load, then we can expect the soul to slow according to the significant loads of burdens.

I feared that by the time Mai can finally shrug off the crushing weights of memory, her camel may not survive. In the past couple days, Mai seems to live nostalgically, that is with constant reference of her life if it’s been with him. Her eyes seems to look backward and inward to memories. There’s nothing excite her for the present, the past is becoming the only inhabitable tense.

What could the present be, next to it with the mocking reminder of what it’s missing?
What could the future holds, besides yet this vivid absence?

Mai and I in the past 2 days has driven by and discover a number of new coffee shop, a thread of light shined in the corner of her eyes then violently shut off, as if she was stabbed in the heart by the reality. She hasn’t gotten used to the Camel-less present, for one quick second, she has forgotten that she can no longer introduce a new coffee shop to him. I tried to comfort her as much as I can, she seems to appreciated it as much.

I think, the difficulty of forgetting him was compounded so much by the survival of the external world they’ve shared together. Standing in her kitchen, the light frangance from the leaves suddenly release the memory of him picking them out. Lying on her bed with the sheet covering her body, suddenly became so empty without him by her side. Receiving her final design for the studio, as a habit, she almost forwarded to him then stopped at last moment. The physical world refused to let her forget

Such a refusal of change is a reminder that the world does not reflect her soul. That it’s an independent entity that will spin on regardless of she was in love or out of it, happy or unhappy, alive or dead. As the great American Poet Rober Frost has once said: in three words, I can tell you everything I know about life, it goes on.

I know, then, inevitably, she will get used to it, and she will begin to forget. But for now, it sadden me to see her drown herself in sorrow.