In the past 2 days, I have the misfortune of coming down with a bad virus. The full-service kind, complete with fever, sore throat, aches, and general misery.

When every breath you took in is a pain, life becomes so vivid. Illness forces you to hunker down at home for a while. Restricted from the usual rhythms of life, you don’t have much to do but read. I tried listening to music or watching movie but couldn’t have the energy.

Whenever I get sick, I become more emotionally susceptible to poignant books, movies, videos, and music. Maybe getting sick is our body’s way of taking time out from everyday life, so that we can slow down and revisit the past. Conjure old memories and feelings long dormant.

I miss my Dad, I miss Camel, I miss Thor. All of the important people in my life. Sadly, no one is here with me. I was thinking to myself am I destined to be alone?

My therapist said that with unfortunately, it’s normal that I feel lonely in this material world. When ppl are strictly tied themselves with stuff ( such as my mother), it’s normal that they don’t accept my way of thinking. Maybe it’s the curse more than the blessing, the ability to transform and completely feel the others, also another curse. I got so lost for the majority of my life, who am I? What am I doing in this world? Why am I coming to Earth? Well, I think I found the answer for the 1st question. I mean, I’m still me, a different person on earth, trying to feel other’s pain and happiness.

The latter 2 I can’t answer that for now. My eyes are in pain right now, I can’t no longer write 🙁 .