My brain works in a mysterious way. My head is still pounding, I feel so drained out and so tired. Every time I found a bed, I immediately crashed into it without wanting to leave it.

My head hurts really bad today, every breath I’m taking in is a note of pain. It’s like one breath = one pain. I need to find a way to end it, but I’m not sure how. I wanted to use an knife to cut that part actually.

Oh back to my brain works in a mysterious way. I feel so down yesterday, and I mentioned that 2 years ago, I have to be relax, to be positive, to be calm for both me and Camel. I said it was as if I’m complaining, but today my brain give me another point of view. What I did, and what I want was for Camel to have the best of me.

I want you to have the best of me, anh.

That’s why I have pulled up my bestest self for the both of us. I did it out of love, the pure kind. It’s something that I should be proud of, and I should cherish that moment instead of complaining about it.

See, my brain, it’s really weird. One day, it gave me a very sad point of view, and when I’m so low, it spikes me up. Giving me an entire upside down view of the world.

Oh my head hurts, really hurt, I’m tired.

I couldn’t practice mirror work in the last couple day. And I decided to stop it for a week before I started it again. There’s a lot of thing on my mind, and I can’t seem to be focus about it. Or maybe I’m just running from myself, I’m afraid to look at myself in the mirror ?

People started talking about my birthday. Oh it’s my birthday, do I want something? What do I want?

Honestly, I don’t want anything. I think I’m depressed. Because I don’t want anything. I don’t want to go anywhere, or do anything. I don’t even pick up the phone when ppl call.

What do I want to happen?
Do I want to die?

See, normally I should be answering no, I don’t want to die. But I don’t really have an answer. So the next question is

What do I want to happen?

I don’t know too.