Camel got me an Arm Chair, and I couldn’t be happier. In fact, I’m sitting on it right now to compose this blog. This is the first piece of furniture that actually belongs to me.

I can tell you that this is the thing that I’m actually wishing for, for awhile but I completely forgot or abandoned. When I first move into this apartment, I brought with me a swinging chair from my Airbnb, but that thing is really hard to sit on, so I put it outside to the balcony. And I completely abandon the idea of having a chair to myself. A chair that I can sit on, to write, to read and to contemplate about things on Earth, oh and to meditate. I bought myself 2 bean bags awhile ago but never thought of an Arm Chair.

It is sooooo comfy, soooooo amazing, I like it soooo soooo soooo much. This is all Camel, he thought of it, and actually makes my dream come true. I’d like it so much to say thank you to him in person. But I guess right now is not the right time, I’m actually not sure what is the right time.

I went to Ha Noi a week ago and my mind couldn’t stop thinking about him. But then I saw Ha and Gabi, and I like the kind of love that they share with each other. They picked me up at the airport, and dropped me off at the airport like they used to when we used to spend a lot of time together in Prague. I landed back in Saigon, and anh Phat picked Thao up, obviously I got a ride home as well.

I couldn’t help but thinking that I’m quite lonely, and perhaps a little bit self-pity as well. So that night, I decided that it’s time to move on and found someone that actually belong with me. Someone who will be waiting for me at home, just to give hugs and kisses and some cuddles 🙂 .

It’s been such a long time that I haven’t visited my therapist, but about half a year ago, I remember vividly. He said: ” I think it’s about time that you revisit your other dream, the dream of having 4 kids, and smiling with each other all day” . Maybe, because of the trouble you are having with Camel, you are respectively abandon that dream.

It’s true, when I first started dating Camel, it’s a dream that I have had. I want to have 4 kids, I was even go to the extend of thinking naming our kids “Mai Mai” , that would be so fun :D.

So last Sunday, I thought to myself that I need to move on. Open my heart to new thing rather than just munching on this endless batter of heartache. Well, you know what my heart and my head did?

They went on strike! They decided that it’s not the time to move on, they flush me with good memories, with poems, with hope. See, the thing is I know that my brain only select the good memory to bring me back, the one that I and Camel laughing together, the one that thing flows like water. It didn’t bring me back to the painful memory lane where both him and I struggle for the breath of air.

But I still love him. I know that in my heart. It’s something that I cannot reason myself out. These past few days, I have been observing myself.

Just one night, a rational decision made to move on, to pull me out of this hopeless love affairs. The next night, I’m writing about love. Writing about the love I have with Camel soothe my aching heart.

Right now, I can tell you that there are 10 poems that I’m composing in my head like First Date, Hiking … You know, the moment that I told myself, oooohh, I can live with this one a long time, a very very long time, more than I can imagine. See, I’m dreaming again.

I guess I’m blabbering right now 😀 . I want to say, I love this chair so much, it’s so comfy, and sitting on it while writing makes my word flourish.

Thank you, anh, so much 🙂 . And I love you so

Love,

Em Mai