Helloooo from my favorite blue chair,

It’s been so long I know that I keep on saying sorry. And I’m keeping on not writing. But I think I gotta say sorry, I’m back, I don’t know for how long but I’m back and I really want to write everyday.

Saigon is entering the emergency state same like Bangkok before, but it’s much more strict. In Bangkok, during the day it’s still operate like normal only shut down at night. I cannot imagine that I’m live in 2 cities that has 2 similar lockdown situation. I am a different version then, I was a lost student spending 24 hour at home and not doing a thing. A year later, I’m an owner of a small factory, responsible for the livelihood of 20 people. We got a scared this morning, thinking that we cannot operate anymore. Well, mostly we can’t, but we will try.

I told my team that we aim to make 10 million a day is okay, we need cash to maintain our life as a whole. I was out delivering ice cream on a car today. I think we made about 10 million today, I’m not so sure.

I got home for the first time after almost a year at 6 PM today, though I continue with meetings and work but it’s a different feeling when you got home when the sun is still up.

A lot of changes is happening inside and outside me. I’m changing my name, according to the numerology, my name consists of too much 1, and too much number 9. Which means I’m extremely egocentric and extremely perfectionist. ” Ý Mai là Ý trời” , that’s what I always said. I always have to have the final say, I’m the boss.

I want to change that, em muốn hoá giải hết những giận dữ, những tường rào trong lòng mình để mình có thể mềm dịu hơn với cuộc đời, với mọi người xung quanh và với chính bản thân mình.

I started with change my name, my new name is: Mokko. This name, according to the Numerology, is more in sync with my birthchart. It will help reduce my ego, and my perfectionist. I want to change it.

I also found out my “sickness” the thing that I’ve been trying to find, the thing that makes me less of a me. I think I’m in total cut off with my anima.

According to Carl Jung, Anima is part of shadow self, which includes: ” Nuturing, sacrifice, creativity … ” My therapist said that the mother complex is too dark, it covers the entire anima, that I become so tough. That Camel always said, and I think he’s absolutely right: ” Tại sao em lúc nào cũng phải trắng và đen? Tại sao không phải là màu xám”

I think the reason is because we are not the same, his was with a good mother complex, he was able to tap into that source of power Anima. This also explains why I’m so drawn into him no matter what, even if we are apart for so long, yet I still feel very much connected to him.

It’s 1:30 AM and I’m still typing, I guess we lay down the note here. Oh my god I feel like I have so much to write, let just write one thing at a time then.