For the first time in a very long while, I am defeated. I cannot find in myself the courage, the strength or the need to change anything, I just want to be in my corner and do absolutely nothing about it. I think to call out this emotion it should be let down or disapointed. Today sadness is more severe than yesterday. Today sadness comes with the phrase “bất lực”.

This feeling – It’s very strange to me. I always find in myself something to fight for, something to pick myself up, some courage to standup and be the one who kept the ball rolling. Today, this evening, I can’t even find a thread of it in my heart. It’s strange because I’m the kind of person, even if the entire Battalion is lost, and I’m the last one standing, in my uniform and shoot to the last bullet.

But today, it’s different, today I gave up. I just want to lie down and do nothing, perhaps if someone comes and shot me to death it would also be a very good relief.

My heart and my soul want to recoup, we want to corner ourselves in the smallest corner, almost to non-existent because we are tired, we are burnt out and we want to surrender.

Maybe, tomorrow will be different, but today, we are done for the day.