I’m not saying that there’s nothing wrong with you at the moment, but what if they weren’t ?

What if it is what it is is it just really is. Just that ! No judgement, no blame, no criticism. What if you could just have a full plate of just it is what it is not all that stories we tell ourselves that we are in the wrong.

A bit about myself, I was having a privilege living in a home with 2 complete opposite set of characteristics from my parents. My Dad is this dominating, charismatic, very confident, secured, content, who has multiple kind words for me. As I grew up, he was very proud of me, he kept saying how beautiful I am, how lucky he was to have me as his child, how how great I am, even the little thing as I stayed with him for the full time in Tet, he was full on loving and proud. His philosophy of love was showing kindness, believing in me, appreciating the little things and speak out loud about it.

My mother is the complete opposite, she’s this insecured person who defines herself by the amount of money she has, and the family that she has. She, on the other hand, is full of criticism, she never give any kind words to me. I’m too ugly, my clothes won’t fit, I’m too forgetful, I’m all over the place. Her philosophy of love, as well as most of Vietnamese, is criticizing. ” I only say those things because I care about you, if you were a stranger, I would never say such things” . Yeah Mom, don’t you realize that you are much kinder to stranger than to me.

The best part of living in the home with such contrast, created a very unique set of characteristics in me. With the help of my mother pointing out the weakness, and my father sometimes pointed out my strengths, the only think as a child I learned to protect myself is to accept myself. In order to cope with my mother constant criticism, I learned a unique survival skill that is to feel content with myself. That no matter what judgement my mother made, I just don’t care. As long as I’m happy with what I’m doing, I don’t care much.

I am forgetful, the stories with me and my keys sometimes seem like a joke because it’s happening so frequent that I’m shy to tell other people.

But what’s wrong with that? I was completely in peace with myself, there are several other ways that can help me solve the problem of not finding my keys. I can sleep outside, I can change the keys to padlock, I can do a gzillion things around it. So what’s wrong with that ?

I’m not detailed oriented. What’s wrong with that ? I can see the world in a more general view and sometimes for the better because I can’t see the fault in people if it’s too small

I’m all over the place. What’s wrong with that ? I was able to do different things, experience different field of work, and also I am happy doing what I was doing.

I spent a lot of my time, explaining myself to others, that I see nothing wrong in me. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could stop fighting each other, stop being each other enemies.

It took my years of practice under my mother’s roof for me to actually realizing that. Everybody is different, I don’t need to explain why I’m different. Who cares?

In order to make “what if there’s nothing wrong with you” an inquiry in your life. It will take dissolving judgement, blame and criticism and replacing it with what it is. Most importantly, this requires forgiveness for how bad a person we think we are.

How do we forgive ourselves for all the things that we’ve done or fell or thought said and had done to us? How is that even possible, when you have been so mean, so hard on yourselves for years?

I personally think it’s a choice. It’s a choice to let go of all the ways you’ve made yourself wrong.

It’s really just a choice to forgive yourself. As well as happiness is a choice 🙂