My friend Ha asked me just 1 hour ago. This is an interesting question, because it’s one of the thing people are suffering now. I heard people going insane, they start complaining about life. They feel trapped, they went crazy with the most insane requests ( I know, I’m selling ice cream everyday dealing with a number of bat shit crazy ladies who asked us to jump through the fences to deliver the ice cream for her) .

I just realize I’m home for exactly 2 weeks, not going to work, not going around but stay put in one place. To be honest with you it doesn’t affect me one bit. I’m living in one apartment, my body is confined in one place cover with walls and barrels. But my mind is not, it travels all day everyday. It was as if there’s no boundary. One moment ago it was traveling back through times with Lão Tử wondering what’s their take on Animals, it seems like 3000 year ago there’s no such thing as animals fairness. The next moment it went to how exercising make new cells on the hippocampus, I mean there’s no limit. I feel like I’m so busy everyday, I got so much stuff to do that I don’t realize time has passed. I’m still working, at the same time learning, reading, and spending time with my dogs. My mind needs these times where I just sit and talk to myself. In fact, you know, I was talking out loud this note before I actually sitting down to write it.

I put an alarm at 3pm, and one at 5 PM just to tell me that hey, the day is going to be over soon and you better hurry up. Even without the hassle of making ice cream everyday, I seem to run out of time. I enrolled in a number of classes, classes that are so interesting that goes beyond boundary. This week I only had 2 classes though, the week before last was full on.

Yesterday class about how much I enjoyed prolonging pain and suffering through cleaning was very transformational for me. I can feel something starting to shift within myself, as if the puzzle was finally aligned. I can vividly saw it within my mind. I spent literally the whole day cleaning my apartment. I took out 2 bags of trash, 2 big bags. My kitchen is cleaned and thoroughly organized in ways that I’ve never done before. I rearranged my working table that is so comfortable and cleaned. I vacuum and mopped my floor 3 times. I’m slow through, I cannot deny it, I’m very slow in cleaning. My area of cleaning is only the living room today and it took me a whole day. But for the first time in my life, I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed cleaning and seeing the result after cleaning. I feel my home is so empty, and so is my mind. I feel refreshed, relaxed and happy.

I was cleaning today and thought of there’s one time Camel complains about how it took so long. And I replied to him straight back: ” Em vẫn đang dọn nè, từ nãy giờ anh có thấy em ngơi tay một chút nào không” . I’m still exactly the same, my hands and my feet are working non-stop the whole day today and it’s slow. I don’t know why I’m so quick in the mind, but very slow in the hands when it comes to clean. But I have a strong belief that I will change from today.

I like this feeling of emptiness. I have to admit though, I have another motivation. I want to be happy, I cannot let the shadow of my mother keep making my life miserable. I don’t want to be my mother, comparing myself to her is a downgrade for me. For that, I will be a better person.

I feel extremely happy today 🙂

How about you? How are you doing? How’s your mental health, do you feel balance and well?