I went to see my therapist on Friday, the word ” thong thả” kept following in the past 2-3 weeks.

I told him this word belongs to Camel, I’m not sure why it kept following me. In the kitchen, I really do take my time, and be in the flow, thong thả.

I went on a kind of date, I met a person, then the next thing I know is I called Camel at midnight. It was as if I was going forward, suddenly something pull me back, so strong and so hard. My therapist help me to meet my inner wisdom. He told me that it was the child that we had, that bond seems to still connect me. I always called it a shared secret.

Last night, I suddenly had an epiphany where I realise about how big of a heart Camel has. And I felt a very deep kind of appreciation for the thing he has helped me going through.

My perspective about Camel changed completely, I felt a deeper kind of how I perceived him. Perhaps, his mission in my life is to help me realize what’s important to my life. The child we had is to help me understand that time is limited, what I want to do, I need to do now.

Whatever is going to happen between us, I will forever feel grateful. I don’t want to cut off completely. I owe him too much, and I want to be around whenever he’s in need of someone.

I felt like my eyes just got opened, and now I can see Camel in his true form under the armor. A person who has a very big heart, a soft, caring and gentle one.

I felt like wow, what was wrong with me that I didn’t see it sooner. I also feel peace, I feel a very positive kind of feeling when I think of Camel. He was constantly on my mind today, but the feeling is so soft, and so gentle. It’s no longer confused and painful, it’s just so peaceful. I guess this is the time where I can say that I think I will forever love him. The kind of love that if we are together or not together, it will always stay there, the gentle, soft and nurturing kind. Even if I ended up with someone else, the love, the bond of our child, will always be there.

I am faithfully feeling so.