Hello, it’s me resurrecting from the dead. The past few days have been tough not to write, haha! I know I sound like an addict, but it’s been tough. I’m so used to writing to disentangle my thoughts. It’s hard to do without, especially in a quiet place like this town, where I can hear my thoughts out loud almost every second.
You’d probably know by now that I love contemplating. It’s the one single activity that my brain has dedicated a Chipset that ran 24/7 for that one task. It seems all the thoughts that come in and out of my brain into the form of writing are always ending up on the opposing end of the spectrum. But my outside world out of this blog fills with joy and laughter. I always bring with me a dose of a good laugh and positivity to any room that I walk in. It’s the good kind of positivity, the authentic kind. I often wonder why the person portrayed on this site is quite dark, filling her world with sorrow and sadness. Assuming that you don’t know me, if you enter my site and read my thoughts, what image do you have in mind about me? Feel free to comment, please. I’d love to know more.
My therapist told me that I’m a strange case, in her own words: ” em reflection dữ dội thời gian vừa rồi.”” ủa, như vậy là dữ dội hả chị? Đây là việc em làm hàng ngày mà ta?”, I responded to her with a shocking face. To my surprise, not many people are interested in their thoughts. I’m interested in my thoughts because I’m the single source of data. I’m the question, also the answer, and the solution. I love it. It’s fast and efficient.
So the question remains: Why do I love contemplating so much? and Why do almost all of my writings seem to shift toward the negative side?
Have you heard of the term “Theory of Mind?”(ToM). Simply put, ToM refers to how we ascribe mental states to other persons and how we use the states to explain and predict the actions of those other persons. More accurately, it investigates mindreading or mentalizing or mentalistic abilities. A simple search on Google could explain more if you are keen.
I like how this guy put in into example:
In my own words: ToM is the foundation of how we think and consequently how others feel.
My ToM forms at a very early age. My parents didn’t allow any form of entertainment except books – hard to understand books, no illustration book, thick and dense books. I spend my childhood buried myself in books. All kinds of books, scientific books, encyclopedia books, novels, you name it, I’d probably read it already. My parents didn’t teach me how to be a human. The books taught me.
My feeling is what makes me who I am today – a person who more often than not drowns in her thoughts – comes from the books that I read. Do you know what the difference between a book and a movie? The book has thoughts that are in written form, when reading a book, we can understand so deeply about the character, the mind-reading, the reason behind why she/he made that decision. The movie, even with the grandest movie effects can’t even begin to compare with what my mind can paint. The beautiful stag that Harry uses to fight off Dementors in the movie is only about 10% what I have in mind. Our mind has no boundaries and limits.
What I’m doing here, writing my thoughts out is actually trying to write a novel – “the missing part” that you (or I) cannot see in the daily interaction. Each and every conversation even the most coherent one cannot cover what I have in mind because it will take so much time and effort, also it will disrupt the flow. The conversation that I wrote on this site is almost like a novel, A story of Mai’s.
I spent too much time talking about ToM because until recently I realize how much my readings in earlier life affect my current life and behavior. There are three books that I feel are the most influential to my life, all of them are the greatest novels of the 20th century:
- Gone with the Wind
- Harry Potter
- Little Houses ( or Ngôi nhà nhỏ trên thảo nguyên)
(to be continued)